The mysterious lives of foreigners - what we would others to know.

SUMMARY

Paul, a 20-year expat in Japan, discusses ordinary lives of long-term foreigners, their assimilation efforts, misconceptions like exoticism, and better ways to understand them.

STATEMENTS

• Long-term foreigners in Japan lead ordinary lives similar to Japanese residents, involving daily routines like work, family, and hobbies, despite visible differences in appearance or language.
• Foreigners adjust significantly to Japanese norms in communication, work, neighborhood integration, and waste sorting to blend in as ordinary residents.
• Most long-term foreigners adopt about 90% Japanese lifestyle habits, reflecting substantial personal changes without seeking praise or sympathy.
• Foreigners can over-assimilate, becoming overly judgy of each other and competing to prove their Japan knowledge or etiquette adherence.
• An example of over-assimilation is a foreigner bowing at a shrine gate as a shortcut, while locals often skip this etiquette.
• Long-term foreigners poorly represent their home countries due to personal variations, assimilation, and the diversity within nations like America.
• The term "foreigner" or "gaijin" lumps together tourists and long-term residents, lacking nuance and making residents feel inaccurately foreign after decades in Japan.
• Long-term foreigners are complex individuals trying to fit into communities, not stereotypes or exotic figures, with needs similar to Japanese people.
• Asking "why do you choose to live in Japan" prompts deeper insights than "why did you come," revealing ongoing commitment to the country.
• Foreigners wish Japanese people recognize their concentrated efforts to integrate and become part of society for long-term living.

IDEAS

• Long-term expats' daily lives mirror Japanese routines so closely that visible differences like language or holidays fade into unremarkable normalcy.
• Assimilation requires foreigners to redefine their "normal," borrowing from Jeff's insight that Japanese norms aren't universal, leading to profound self-changes.
• The expat community internally competes in Japan-savviness, turning integration into a subtle rivalry that highlights overcompensation.
• Bowing at a shrine shortcut, unlike locals, reveals how foreigners sometimes perform etiquette more rigidly to signal belonging.
• A British TV show parodying Indian families competing to be "more British" parallels expats' drive to out-Japanese each other.
• Personal anecdotes, like delaying steak until age 16, shatter stereotypes of American eating habits influenced by family and economics.
• The word "gaijin" erases 20 years of residency, equating a veteran's home with a tourist's fleeting visit.
• "Non-Japanese" feels negative, while "immigrant" better distinguishes residents but still overlooks integration depth.
• Choosing Japan indefinitely stems from a deeper sense of fit, beyond initial reasons like study or work.
• Awareness of foreigners' efforts could foster nuance, viewing them as community members rather than perpetual outsiders.

INSIGHTS

• True integration demands foreigners sacrifice parts of their original identity, creating hybrid lives that challenge both cultures' assumptions.
• Over-assimilation stems from a desire for validation, turning cultural adaptation into performative competition within expat circles.
• Stereotypes persist because labels like "foreigner" ignore the spectrum from tourists to lifelong residents, perpetuating otherness.
• Personal backgrounds diversify national representations, making any single expat an unreliable ambassador for their homeland.
• Deeper questions about choice reveal Japan's unique appeal as a chosen home, fostering mutual understanding over superficial curiosity.
• Recognizing expats' ordinary humanity dismantles exotic myths, promoting empathy in shared neighborhoods and daily interactions.

QUOTES

• "We lead completely ordinary lives, pretty much like any Japanese resident."
• "Your normal is not our normal."
• "I would say my lifestyle and just the way I do things in Japan is probably 90% Japanese if I'm being perfectly honest."
• "The first time I ever ate steak was when I was 16 years old."
• "Why do you choose to live in Japan?"

HABITS

• Sorting garbage correctly to integrate into neighborhood norms.
• Bowing at torii gates when using shrine grounds as shortcuts, even if locals skip it.
• Adopting 90% Japanese lifestyle in daily routines, communication, and work practices.
• Taking Halloween and Christmas more seriously while maintaining other Japanese customs.
• Adjusting interpersonal relations and thinking patterns to fit Japanese social expectations.

FACTS

• Paul has lived in Japan for over 20 years, longer than some of his university students' lifetimes.
• America is so vast that eating habits vary widely; Paul's family avoided beef due to his mother's preferences, delaying his first steak to age 16.
• Japanese media distinguishes tourists as "gaikokujin kankokyaku," but everyday speech lumps all foreigners together.
• In a Yokohama-area town, locals use shrine grounds as shortcuts without bowing, treating them casually despite sacred status.
• Expats often change profoundly to fit in, making their behaviors unrepresentative of original home cultures after years abroad.

REFERENCES

• Jeff's YouTube channel (quoted "your normal is not our normal").
• British TV show (sketch or drama) about Indian families competing to be more British.
• Paul's previous Q&A video, 30 minutes long, based on viewer questions.

HOW TO APPLY

• Observe daily routines of expats in your neighborhood to recognize their ordinary lives mirroring your own, reducing exotic assumptions.
• Reflect on your own "normal" by considering cultural differences; if traveling abroad, note adjustments needed to fit in.
• Avoid internal expat judgments by focusing on personal growth rather than competing in Japan knowledge or language skills.
• When encountering a foreigner, ask "why do you choose to live in Japan" to invite deeper stories beyond surface reasons.
• Use nuanced terms like "long-term resident" instead of "gaijin" in conversations to acknowledge integration efforts and time lived.

ONE-SENTENCE TAKEAWAY

Long-term expats in Japan lead ordinary, assimilated lives as chosen community members, deserving nuanced understanding beyond stereotypes.

RECOMMENDATIONS

• Japanese locals should ask expats about their choice to stay in Japan for richer, more revealing conversations.
• Expats, balance assimilation with self-preservation to avoid overcompensation and internal rivalries.
• Media and individuals differentiate between tourists and residents to foster accurate perceptions.
• View expats as complex individuals, not national representatives, to break down stereotypes.
• Encourage awareness of cultural adjustments by sharing personal adaptation stories in communities.

MEMO

In the quiet suburbs of Yokohama, Paul, a soft-spoken American who has called Japan home for over two decades, navigates a life that defies the exotic stereotypes often pinned on foreigners. From his videos on Japanese society, he reveals a profound truth: long-term expats like him aren't intrepid adventurers or cultural enigmas but ordinary residents threading the same daily tapestry as their neighbors—rushing kids to school, clocking into work, unwinding with Netflix. Yet, beneath this normalcy lies a deliberate transformation. Paul estimates his habits are now 90 percent Japanese, from meticulous garbage sorting to modulated conversations, all to weave himself into the social fabric without fanfare or pity.

This assimilation, Paul emphasizes, comes at a cost that's rarely acknowledged. Drawing from a friend's quip—"your normal is not our normal"—he describes how expats reshape their identities, from workplace etiquette to neighborhood courtesies, to shed their outsider status. But overzealous efforts can tip into excess. Paul recounts bowing reverently at a shrine's torii gate while locals hustle through as a mere shortcut, a small act symbolizing his competitive urge to prove belonging. It's a dynamic echoed in expat circles, where judgments fly over language fluency or cultural savvy, reminiscent of a British comedy skewering immigrant families vying to outdo each other in Britishness. Such overcompensation, Paul notes, underscores the concentrated effort required to choose Japan not as a temporary stop but a lifelong home.

Misconceptions thrive on blunt labels like "gaijin," which lump Paul's 20-year tenure with a tourist's first-day selfie. This erasure ignores the nuance: he's taught university classes to students younger than his Japanese residency, yet still feels vaguely foreign. Stereotypes compound the issue; Paul's revelation that he didn't taste steak until 16—contradicting images of burger-loving Americans—highlights how personal quirks and assimilation warp expats into poor cultural envoys. America, after all, is a mosaic of regions and backgrounds, not a monolith. As he walks Yokohama's construction-riddled streets, Paul urges a shift: see expats as complicated humans with desires akin to anyone's, not perpetual outsiders or walking billboards for distant lands.

Ultimately, Paul proposes a better dialogue starter: not "Why did you come to Japan?" but "Why do you choose to stay?" This question pierces the superficial, inviting tales of deeper affinity—of Japan as the place that fits, indefinitely. It's an invitation to empathy, recognizing expats' quiet commitments to communities. In sharing his inner world, Paul doesn't seek applause; he hopes for awareness that could bridge divides, turning "foreigners among us" into simply "us."